he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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