just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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