If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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