he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
