You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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