I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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