I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I love having hate sex.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
