New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
