remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
