Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
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If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
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I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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