OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
