bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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