talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
