I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
