good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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