She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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