I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
