yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
