Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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