I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Say something about gay babies.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
