I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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