dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
