Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
