I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
