I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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