I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
