I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
