i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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