hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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