Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
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Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
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tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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