you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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