everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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