Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
