I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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