Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
