I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
