Small penises have feelings too.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Randomize
