i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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