Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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