How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
