I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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