if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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