YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
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I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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