I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
