In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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