I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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