Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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