awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
