Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
