Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
