I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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