3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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