Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
