What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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