whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
