omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
