I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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