I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
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My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
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Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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