I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
