I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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