Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
