This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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