just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
