Where is the hickey?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
