Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
