i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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