I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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